hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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