He told me they were just razor bumps!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
