I just cut my nipple shaving
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
