508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
