Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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