Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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