Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i drank out of a bidet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
