YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
