what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
