I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
