Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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