oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
