woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
