Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
