I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
