I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
