Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
