Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
