First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
