Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize