Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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