PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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