Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
