wat bout pragnant strippers??
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
