Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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