I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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