I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
