YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
