ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
