good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
