Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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