I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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