Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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