the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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