I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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