My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
