It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
