Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
