Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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