Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
