"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
