All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
