i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
