So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
