Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
