Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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