toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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