Kiss
Puke
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
