Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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