He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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