and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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