Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
