I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Another day, another engagement, another cat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
