I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize