Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Randomize
