1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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