go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
is it fun? or sober?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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