Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize