Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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