True but thats because hes a fetus.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
