I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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