Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
