Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
