so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
