So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
