Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
