my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
how does that bad decision feel?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
