I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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