you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
