she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
