I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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