i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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