Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
