I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
