My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
