my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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