I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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