You just made me feel so damn special
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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