do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
