I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
