He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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