she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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