he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
